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heartofal
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Name: alex
Birthday: 4/17/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Jesus Christ is central, also reading, singing, writing music, real estate, business, INROADS, XA, XA Band, my roommies
Expertise: yeah...right
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/23/2003
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| it's been a while. i can't
believe the things i've written here. those who know me know well
that i am a very private person. if you're not close already the
likelihood of that changing isn't promising. and i love new
people. i think i just have my guard up too high. maybe i'm
afraid that people wont like what they see if i show them the "real"
me. whatever that means.
don't get it twisted
though. i LOVE me. and if you're what i call a "church
folk" don't get all judgemental. God is into us loving ourselves
too, i don't care how you feel about it. hear me out.
He poured all this love and effort into making you. He dreamed
you up and crafted you to respond to a desire in His heart. He made you
unique and complex. and He loves you. i have the same response to His
creation of myself as i do to all of His creation. the skies and
oceans, flowers and animals...so, yeah, back to the point: i LOVE me.
having established this fact, it doesn't preclude that i expect the
same response from others. it's like, of course, people like me,
but most of the time they don't know me. and the question is, am i
okay with that? because if you asked my best friend Nat, she'd
probably say that i'm happy with the distance i create. she would
have a point. i am really busy and i barely have time to nurture
the key relationships that i do have (and my loved ones mean EVERYTHING
to me, after GOD, of course). and guys, take my word for it, i am
not normal. i don't believe such a thing exists, but you get what
i'm saying. i'm just alex and that's who i want to be.
that's who i'm created to be. ooooo, i am preaching to myself.
i'll have to finish this up later, i need to think about what i've said so far. come back and see me though. and for goodness sakes, if you read this, leave me a message and let me know what you thought.
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| my jerbear got married this weekend. it was the most perfect
wedding ever! everyone was so pretty and so happy. there
was so much joy there you couldn't help but feel the same as everyone
else. to know that God has smiled on a union like that is an
awesome thing.
i've got more to say, but i also have a paper to write. which takes precedence? you guess.
pce.
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| people, i'll tell ya. God can be very very subtle. He
totally responded to what i wrote last night. i mean, "that
guy" that i was telling you all about: not an issue.
and God did it in such a way as there's no weirdness or harshness, it
just happened. i know that doesn't make any sense. but let me
tell you that God, in His perfect wisdom, completely made the entire
situation just cool. as far as the guy, he's great and i found
out lots of wonderful things about him, but it's just not...an
issue. i love saying that. if God has something there,
cool. if He doesn't, cool. i want His will and it's so
sweet and special to be in a place where i can really desire the will
of God. it's even better to have His desires become my
desires. ah, sweetness.
p.s. next time i'll have to tell you about the wedding i was in this weekend.
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| dudes.
life is sooo interesting. and though i know i have a loving
father who has planned every single moment and knows the course of
every event in my life, i'm still amazed at how...interesting...life
can be. so there's this guy.
i know, you knew it was coming. so here's the skinny: i'm not crushing on him because i don't believe i can possibly have a crush on someone i don't know very well.
i'm serious, i am dead set against the merest possibility of having a
crush on someone i don't know. logically, it's just not
possible. "liking" someone is based on so many factors that
require knowledge of that subject's personality, habits, character,
etc. you get my drift. pretty much i know that he's a
christian and he's a nice guy. so you wonder, why the blog about
the guy? the deal is that i find we have stuff in common. i
mean, they're things that you don't expect. for instance, one of
my all time most favorite books is Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice.
(really, i've read it like 7 times, maybe more, ask my friends.)
and who woulda thunk it, but that's one of his faves too.
even worse, i think our brains work a lot alike as far as humor
goes. we were in a setting where we weren't interacting, but we
were close enough to each other that i could hear him. and i
SWEAR we both said the same exact things like twice.
okay, having written this, i know it's stupid. *whew* maybe
it's weird but i severely dislike even the beginning of an attraction
to someone because i feel vulnerable immediately. i know, i need
to work on that, but that's the truth of the matter. i prefer to
feel like i have it together. but is that really living, if i always feel i have everything
together? hmmm, must ponder. (of course, the irony is that
i never do feel i have it all together. such is life.)
ooooooo, it was fun writing to you guys. i think i'm back. 
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| it's been a while. just wanted everyone to know that i'm still
alive. life is great. God is good. i'll have to put down a
real update some time though.
pce.
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